Sunday, June 2, 2013

Some advice to a friend in Canada

I sent the following message to a certain someone recently:

Dear Steve,

I don't think it's right or good that you're not married yet. Why don't you take out an add in a local newspaper that reads as follows:

A marriageable bachelor who makes $X/year seeks a nubile, callipygian, pneumatic woman. Must be a practicing Catholic under 25 who knows how to keep house and her place. Must love children and want to bear them. Ideally virginally intact.

If you don't know what nubile, callipygian, or pneumatic mean, look them up now. Their definitions will make you laugh. And because you live in Canada, a place with far too many transgendered folks, you may want to specify that you're looking for a female woman.

With Love,


Anonymous said...

So you're encouraging your friend to get a chatty flighty young woman who hangs out at the
gym and is the product of incest from craig's list. Leave your friend alone .

Maximilian Hanlon said...

Mr Anonymous, I don't think you know what "nubile", "callipygian", and "pneumatic" mean.

My 2c worth said...

He's just asking for a young, marriageable, physically attractive and hopefully virginal Catholic female who is not only spiritual but feminine and capable of doing all of her female duties with skill and great joy.

I think a similar description should be written up for an ad for a husband and have both ads permanently placed in every church bulletin in the world. Maybe if the ideal spouse was described in detail to me many years ago I might have been a better one myself.

Maximilian Hanlon said...

@My 2c worth, along the lines of the add (which I certainly intended in jest), would you be so kind as to write a complimentary add for an ideal husband? I'd appreciate your input. But keep in mind that it should also be funny.

Tancred said...

*Cough* :P

Anonymous said...

to Mr. Max Hanlon, I, Anonymous 3 June 11:58 Am, do know what all your quoted "-" words mean and I do know that Aphrodite "was" the daughter of Zeus and Hera who were brother and sister and husband and wife. I am a female
Anonymous and I thought I WAS being funny.
And Tancred, I think you are funny. Cheers.

My 2c worth said...

How about....

"Young Catholic woman looking for marriageable Catholic man between the ages of 25 and 40. Ideal candidate will labor for a living, preferably in farming or construction. Must enjoy camping, hunting and fishing but hate bowling and golf. Must be able to perform all husbandly duties including but not limited to the care and feeding of his children and the defending and protecting his spouse whom he will remove from the safety and comfort of her parents' home when he takes her for his wife. Knowledge of the Faith and living an authentic Catholic life is a must. High income and physical attractiveness are not priorities. If you fulfill all the above you will look like a million bucks to me. This is a lifelong vocation. Novus Ordo need not apply."