I sent the following message to a certain someone recently:
I don't think it's right or good that you're not married yet. Why don't you take out an add in a local newspaper that reads as follows:
A marriageable bachelor who makes $X/year seeks a nubile, callipygian, pneumatic woman. Must be a practicing Catholic under 25 who knows how to keep house and her place. Must love children and want to bear them. Ideally virginally intact.
If you don't know what nubile, callipygian, or pneumatic mean
, look them up now. Their definitions will make you laugh. And because you live in Canada, a place with far too many transgendered folks, you may want to specify that you're looking for a female woman.