Ist Verboten!

Verborum ac Notionum ac Hominum et Ceterorum Index Prohibitorum:

Abortion
Abuse, especially of children, women, the elderly, and the liturgy
Access
Active participation
Activism
Activist judges
Adele
Adolf von Harnack
Adultery
Advertising
Affirmation
Affirmative action
“Afrocentric” names (e.g. Kenitha, Bunifa, Latifah, Halifah, Sharifa, Jamal, Oranjello, Lemonjello, Jerome, Tyrone, Tyrell, Femalee, Donté etc.)
Agribusiness
Alberto Cutié, a.k.a. “Fr. Oprah”
All you can eat buffets
America, United States of
American “culture”
American “history”
American “literature”
Androphobia
Angela Merkel
Animal rights’ activists
Anne Rice
Anthrax
The Anti-Defamation League
Antipopes
Apostasy
The Arab Spring
Archbishop Bugnini
Artificial anything
Aspartame
Assemblies instead of Congregations
Assisi Conferences
Asymmetrical haircuts
Atheists who (wrongly) think they’re happy
Attorneys
Austrian School of Economics
Autocephaly

Bailouts
Banks
The Beatles
Benjamin Spock
Bill Gates
Birth control
Bishops’ conferences, usually
Bishopesses
Blasphemy
Bob Marley
Bongo drums
Boob jobs
“Born-again” “Christians”
Bowling
Boy bands
Broadway musicals
The Brooklyn Bridge
Bulletin boards
Bullying
Bumper stickers

Cable News Network (CNN)
Californians (but not California)
Capitalism [Tancred notes: This ill-defined term is of great moment for many in the public sector who wish for a Utopian dream world.]
Cardinal Kaspar
Cardinal Law
Cardinal Mahoney
Cartoons
Catullus
Celine Dion
Charismatic Movement
Charles Curran
Che Guevara
Cheap booze
Cheez Whiz
Chicago cronyism
Chick tracts
Child actors
Christopher West
Chuck E. Cheese’s
Cigarettes (pipes and cigars are ok, for men)
Civil rights
Climate change
Clowns
Co-ed anything
Collegeville
Committees
Communion in the hand
Communism
Concelebration
Concubinage
Conspiracies
“Contemporary” “English”
Contraception
Conventions
Converse All Stars
Cool Whip
Corporatism
Country “music”
“Courtship” instead of “dating”
Cravats
Crystals

Dan Brown novels
David Cameron
David Haas
Debates
Decimal Currency
Delilah Rene (that stupid bitch on the radio)
Democracy
The Democratic Party
Demonstrations
Denim
Descriptive Grammar
Desecration
Dialogue
Dick and Jane Method
Disobedient children
Dissent
Diversity
Divination
Divorce
Dog Shit
Drag Shows
Dreadlocks, at least on white people
Drug Abuse Resistance Education
Dual Covenant Theology
Dungeons and Dragons

Eagles Wings
Ear wax
Ebonics

École Normale Supérieure

Ecumenism

Egalitarianism
Elections
Elvis Impersonators
Environment and Art in Catholic Worship
Equality
Error
Eucharistic Prayers, newly composed
The Euro
The European Union
Ex-priests
Extraordinary ministers of Holy Communion

Fast food
Fat people
Febreze
Female clergy
Feminism
Folk music in church
Fornication
Fox News
Fraternities (but not the Fraternity)
Free-verse poetry, Elliot excepted
The French Revolution
Free Masonry
Free-standing altars in Western churches
Free trade
Freedom
French police in riot gear
Fundraisers

Gambling
Gas-guzzling SUVs
Gather Us In
Gay marriage
Gay sex
Gender balance
Gender identity
Gender studies
General intercessions
Global warming
Golf
Good Friday Prayer for the Jews, 1970
Gossip columnists
Government statistics
Graduate Record Examinations
Greek life
The Gregorian Institute of America
Guitars
Gynarchy
Gynergy

Haikus
Hamburger Helper
Hans Küng
Harley Davidsons
Harvard University
Health insurance companies
Hedonism
Here I am, Lord
Heresy
Heterodoxy
High school bands
Hip-hop
Hipsters
Historical critical method
Hitler
Hollywood
Homeopathy
Homilies instead of Sermons
Horoscopes
(For women:) How bad your last relationship was
(For undergraduates:) How drunk you were last night
Hugo Chávez
Human Rights Commissions
Hymns at Mass

Iconoclasm
Identity Politics
IKEA
Immigration
Imperialism
Improper grammar (e.g. “between you and I)
Inclusion
Inclusive language
Inculturation
Insubordination
The Internal Revenue Service
International Commission on English in the Liturgy
Internet dating websites
Inter-religious dialogue
Involvement
Ipods
Islam, radical or otherwise
The Israeli occupation of Palestine

Jackson Pollock
James Pike
Jazz
Jazzercise
Jeans
Jennifer Granholm
Jerry Springer
Jesuits, St. Louis and otherwise
Jesuit Psalter
The Jesus Seminar
Joan Chittister
John Calvin
John Shelby Spong
Justin Bieber (especially his haircuts)

Karl Rahner
Katharine Schori
The Kennedies
The Ku Klux Klan

Lady Gaga
Lawyers
Leadership Conference of Women Religious
The Left Behind Series
The Legion of Christ
Lensless glasses
Lesbianism
Liberalism
Libertarianism
Liberty
Lists
Litter Boxes
Liturgical Revision
Liturgists
The loss of the pronoun whom
The loss of the subjunctive
The lottery
Lutheranism

Margaret Sanger
Marijuana
Mark Zuckerberg
Martin Luther
Matriarchy
Marty Haugen
Marxism
Meat on Fridays
The media
Medjugorje
Megachurches
The Message
Meta-narratives
Methodism
Military-Industrial Complex
Miniskirts
Mixed Choirs
“Modern” “Art”
Modernism
Monster truck rallies
Montel Williams
Mormonism
Mothers who fail to breastfeed
Mullets
Music, post-1900

Neo-cons
Neo-liberal Economics
New age shit
New International Version
New York City
New Yorkers
Nightclubs
The 1960s and ‘70s
Nintendo
No Child Left Behind Act
North American Free Trade Agreement
Nose rings
Notre Dame University
The Novus Ordo
Nuns in business suits

One Direction
One size fits all
Open theism
Operah Winfrey
Oregon Catholic Press
Organic pet food

Pacifists
The Packers
Paganism, Neo- and otherwise
Paper napkins
Parents who don’t care
Partially hydrogenated oils
The “Peace Prayer” wrongly attributed to St. Francis
Peace signs
Pentecostalism
People We Don’t Like
Petitions, especially online
Pets
Pilates
Pianos instead of harpsichords
Piercings on men
Pink
Pius X Psalter
Planned Parenthood
Political correctness
Pollution
Poncho chasubles
Ponytails on men, especially clergy
Pope Paul VI
Pornography
Post-modernism
Praise and worship music
Pray Tell Blog
President Bush
President Obama
Presiders and their Captain Kirk chairs
Pretentiousness
Pride parades
Priestesses
Prince Charles
Princess Diana
Professional athletes
Projection screens in churches
Prom
Pornography
Property rights
Protestantism
Protests
Psalm tone propers
Psychics
Psychology

Quantitative Assessments
Queer
Questioning
Quotas

Racism
Rainbow flags
Rainbow stoles
Rap
The Rapture
RCIA directors
Refrain glorias
The Republican Party
Republicanism
Responsorial psalms
Revolution
Rice-A-Roni
Richard Dawkins
Rights
Rock concerts
Rock ‘n’ roll
Role playing games
Rowan Williams
Rush Limbaugh
Ruth Bader Ginsburg

Sacrilege
Sarah Palin
Saxophones
Scented candles
Scholastic gibberish
Seances
SeaWorld
Secularism
Sedevacantists
Self-gift
Self-narratives
Self-possession
Sex, most of the time
Sex education
Sex reassignment surgery
Sexting
Sexual assault
Sexually transmitted infections
Shag carpeting
Shake ‘n Bake
Shopping malls
Shortshorts
Sign of peace
Sin
Six-day creationism
Smart drinks
Soap operas
Soccer moms
Sociology
Sodomy
Sororities
Southern Baptist Convention
Southern Poverty Law Center
Speaking in tongues
The Spice Girls
Spirituality
Sports
Stalin
Star Trek
Star Wars
The Statue of Liberty (i.e. That Idol of a French Whore)
Steve Jobs
Stoles worn over chasubles
Stupid people
The Supreme Court
Sustainability

Taliban
Tarot cards
Tattoos (a.k.a. “tramp stamps”)
The Tea Party, but not tea simply
Televangelists
Television
Texting
Therapy
Think-tanks
The three-year lectionary
Tolerance
Toleration
Toupées
Trailer parks
Transgendered
Transvestites
Trousers on women

Ugly people
Ugly tabernacles
Underwater Mongolian basket weaving
United Nations
Urban sprawl

Vampire novels
Vandalism
Vatican II
Vegetarianism
Veganism
Versus populum
Viagra
Vice
Violence

Walmart
Walt Disney
Wall Street
Washington DC
Welfare dependency
Whiggery
Witchcraft
Witches
Wombforce
Women’s ordination
Women who drive and talk on the phone at the same time
Womynist identities
World Council of Churches
World Youth Day
Wrestling, professional
Written constitutions

Xylophones

Yankee cuisine
Yankee foreign policy
Yard signs
Yoga
Your face
Your feelings (mine are ok)
Your happiness (and mine too)
Your Mom

Limericks

Sometimes even the LCWR can provide artistic inspiration:

There once was a sister named Sue,
Who didn't know what to do.
She took off her habit,
And married the abbot,
And said it was Vatican II.

And Sue, while teaching in pride,
To our children this nun would confide:
"It's only a meal,
And no big deal;
Develop the Goddess inside."

But soon Sue yearned to be free,
And so she went on a spree,
Now the abbot's her ex,
And she likes same-sex,
Approved, she says, by Vatican III.

And likewise Pray Tell:

There once was a liturgist named Ray,
Who would always forget to pray.
He took out the rail,
And one day will wail,
When Latin comes back to stay.

Cardinal Kasper:

There once was a Lutheran named Claude,
Who loved his heresy, so flawed.
He would not repent,
And to hell he was sent,
Because he refused to listen to God.

The author encourages his readers to contribute their own limericks on the thread. Share the love. Pass it forward.

Back to your regular dose of humour...

Back in the days when Anglicanorum Coetibus had been released but none of the Ordinariates had yet been set up, I did some internet research and noticed that the Episcopal/Anglican parishes that might come into the Ordinariate tended to describe themselves in similar ways online. The Muse then pushed a button and the following parody flowed from my fingertips.

Welcome to St Thomas of Canterbury Anglicatholic Church, where we’re formal, friendly, and faithful both to the Bishop of Rome and the Anglican tradition of worship.

On an average Sunday here at STCAC, the worshiper will find a great number of services to satisfy both his canonical obligation and Christian duty to worship God in the beauty of his holiness, decently and in order, at both the Divine Office and the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. For those who prefer to observe the traditional Eucharistic fast from midnight or who may need to work later in the day, we offer two low Masses, the first according to the Extraordinary Form of the Roman Rite at 5:30 AM and the other according to Sarum Use at 6:15 AM. While we have obtained permission from the Sacred Congregation in Rome for the lessons at these services to be read in the vernacular, such permission is superfluous for they are muttered so silently that no one can hear them. For those who prefer sung services, Matins or Morning Prayer begins promptly at 8:30 followed by the Great Litany in Advent, Septuagesima, Lent, and on other days of fasting or abstinence. At Matins and Lauds we typically follow Sarum Use translated into the hieratic style of the Prayer Book by the Reverend Palmer, but modified in accordance with Pope St. Pius X’s 1911 reforms of the weekly psalter. At High Mass which follows, we typically celebrate according to Sarum Use enriched with certain beloved prayers from the Prayer Book tradition, including the Prayer for the Whole State of Christ’s Church (always changing indifferently to impartially), the Comfortable Words, the Confession, the Absolution, and the Peace, all immediately after the Sermon, as well as Archbishop Cranmer’s Post-Communion. In times of penitence, the celebrant uses the Roman Canon in silence, whilst on other days he says a modified Prayer Book Canon, adding prayers for the Pope, the Sovereign, the Bishop, and the dead, as well as an elaborate and explicit epiclesis. We likewise typically follow the Roman colour scheme at these services, with the addition of blue vestments for feasts of Our Lady, yellow for feasts of Confessors, and ashen grey for Passiontide. High Mass is always followed by the chanting of the Angelus as well as prayers for the ascension of the House of Wittelsbach to the throne of St. Edward.

On most Sundays and Holy Days of the year, we reassemble as a community of faith for an organ recital at 4:45 PM followed by sung Evening Prayer or Vespers at 5:15 PM. This service usually follows that prescribed by the 1662 Prayer Book with an added first versicle for the Supreme Pontiff: God bless the Pope: And let not the Gates of Hell prevail against him. Benediction of the Blessed Sacrament usually follows. On those days when we add a solemn Compline after Benediction, the Nunc Dimittis at Evening Prayer is replaced either by the Phos Hilarion or the New Testament Canticle of the 1975 Liturgia Horarum taken from the Authorized Version. The clergy who assist in choir at our evening services always wear cassock, gown, tippet, bands, and catercap, in accordance with the tradition of the Anglican patrimony.

In addition to our weekly cycle of liturgies, our parish also enjoys a rich devotional life. On Wednesdays at noon, please join us for public recitation of the rosary. On Fridays throughout the year and all ferial days of Lent, we pray the Stations of the Cross at 3 PM followed by Evensong. On Fridays in Lent, thereafter follows a soup supper and book study. Finally, on Saturday mornings after Mass, our local chapter of the Archconfraternity prays a perpetual novena to both St. Philomena and St. Charles, King and Martyr. Because we are Christians in full communion with the See of Rome, Bible study is officially discouraged but not forbidden.

Childcare is available for all children under the age of five at the principle services each Sunday and major Holy Day. Those adults who feel called to volunteer in the nursery are encouraged to join our local chapter of the Confraternity of St. Nicholas of Myra, patron of children, harlots, and apothecaries. 

Because STCAC is a growing community welcoming of all people, we invite you to join us as we work together to build God’s Kingdom on earth. With your help, we hope in time to have more registered laity than clergy, staff, and paid choir members combined. 

Prayer for the Muslims, Part 3

A Prayer of St. Germanus of Constantinople

O most holy Theotokos, do thou hold the helm of the Church’s hierarchy, bringing them to quiet harbors, sheltered from the breakers of heresy and scandal. Clothe thy beloved priests with the festal garments of justice, joy, and a tried, inviolate, and earnest faith. In peace and progress, guide the scepter of the orthodox emperors who cling to thee above all purple and splendor of gold, above all jewels and precious stones, as to their diadem and royal robe and as to the most durable ornament of their kingdom. With divine might, overthrow the hostile, foreign peoples deceived by Mohamed, who cease not to blaspheme thee and the God born of thee, and stretch them prostrate at thy feet. In time of war give aid unto that army which ever relieth upon thine assistance. Endue those peoples subjected unto us with strength that they may persevere, according to God’s command, in the happy service of obedience unto us. With the triumphs of conquest, crown Constantinople, this city of thine own, whose tower and foundations thou art, with thy protection and strength. Amen.

(Migne PG 98: 307-310. This translation based upon the one given in Friethoff’s A Complete Mariology, p. 276)

Act of Consecration of the Human Race to the Sacred Heart of Jesus

Most sweet Jesus, Redeemer of the human race, look down upon us humbly prostrate before thy altar. We are thine and thine we wish to be; but to be more surely united with thee, behold each one of us freely consecrates himself today to thy most sacred Heart. Many indeed have never known thee; many too, despising thy precepts, have rejected thee. Have mercy on them all, most merciful Jesus, and draw them to thy Sacred Heart. Be thou King, O Lord, not only of the faithful who have never forsaken thee, but also of the prodigal children who have abandoned thee; grant that they may quickly return to their Father’s house, lest they die of wretchedness and hunger. Be thou King of those who are deceived by erroneous opinions, or whom discord keeps aloof, and call them back to the harbor of truth and unity of faith, so that soon there may be but one flock and one shepherd. Be thou King of all those who are still involved in the darkness of idolatry or of Islamism, and refuse not to call them all into the light and kingdom of God. Turn thine eyes of mercy toward the children of that race, once thy chosen people. Of old they called down upon themselves the Blood of the Savior; may it now descend upon them a laver of redemption and of life. Grant, O Lord, to thy Church assurance of freedom and immunity from harm; give peace and order to all nations, and make the earth resound from pole to pole with on cry: Praise to the Divine Heart that wrought our salvation; to It be glory and honor forever. Amen.

(Indulgence of 300 days, each time. Pope Pius XI, July 11, 1926)

Prayer for the Muslims, Part 2

Happily, it is not only the Anglican liturgical tradition that gives us beautiful prayers for the conversion of our enemies. Consider these Mass propers approved by Pope Paul VI for the Novus Ordo Missae:

Introit: Look upon the covenant and let the poor and needy give praise unto thy Name. Arise, O God, maintain thine own cause, and forget not the voice of them that seek thee.

Collect: O God, who in thy inscrutable providence desireth to bind together thy Church by the sufferings of thy Son; Grant to the faithful assaulted daily by persecution for thy Name’s sake, the spirit of long-suffering and charity, that they may be found witnesses, both faithful and true, of thy promises, through Jesus Christ our Lord, who liveth and reigneth with thee in the unity of the Holy Ghost, one God, world without end. Amen.

Super Oblata: Receive, we beseech thee, O Lord, our humble prayers and victims, and grant that they that serve thee faithfully, yet undergo the daily persecutions of men, may rejoice that they are bound together by the sacrifice of thy Son, and let them know and feel that their names are written in the Book of Life, with all thine elect in the heavens, through Christ our Lord. Amen.

Communion Anthem: Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake, saith the Lord. Rejoice and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven.

Post-Communion: By the might of this Sacrament strengthen the faithful in thy truth, O Lord, and grant to them hedged in on every side by tribulation, that carrying the Cross in the footsteps of thy Son, they may ever wax valiant and boast in the name of Christian, even in the midst of their persecutors, through Christ our Lord. Amen.

(Missale Romanum 1970, Votive Mass 15, Pro Christianis Persecutione Vexatis)

Of course, the extraordinary form of the Roman Rite also directs us towards the same end:

Let us pray also for the heathen that Almighty God remove the iniquity from their hearts, that they abandon their idols and turn unto the living and true God, and his only Son, Jesus Christ our Lord and God.

Let us pray. Almighty and everlasting God, who desirest not the death of a sinner but rather that he should turn from his wickedness and live, mercifully receive our prayer and free the heathen from the worship of idols and add them to thy holy Church, to the praise and glory of thy Name, through our Lord Jesus Christ, thy Son, who liveth and reigneth with thee in the unity of the Holy Ghost, one God, world without end. Amen.

(From Feria VI in Passione Domini)

Collect: Almighty and everlasting God, in whose hand are the powers of all rulers and the judgments of all kingdoms, regard the help of Christendom, that the heathen which trust only in their brutality may be trampled out by the might of thy right hand, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Secret: O Lord, gaze upon the sacrifice which we offer unto thee and deign to deliver all them that fight for thee from the wickedness of the heathen and keep them in the safety of thy tender care, through our Lord Jesus Christ...Amen.

Post-Communion: O God our defender, look and save all them that fight for thee from the menace of the heathen, that every trial and tribulation having been done away, they may serve thee with free minds, through our Lord Jesus Christ...Amen.

(From the votive Mass Pro Ecclesiae Defensione)

Prayer for the Muslims, Part 1

Contrary to what one would think, the Anglican Patrimony has actually produced quite a number of beautiful prayers for the conversion of the Muslims from the heathenish religion of Mohammed. Give the recent events in England, we must all redouble our efforts, prayers, and penances that the glory of Christ, God’s definitive answer to man’s problems, may dawn upon “the peoples that walk in darkness” and “the shadow of death.” The following are some jewels of English composition:

O God, who in thy wonderful providence orderest all things, we humbly beseech thee to snatch that land which thine only begotten Son hath consecrated with his own Blood from the hands of the enemies of the Cross of Christ, and restore it to Christian worship, mercifully directing in the way of everlasting peace the fervent prayers of the faithful to its deliverance, through the same Christ our Lord. Amen. (Sarum Use)

O merciful God, who hast made all men, and hatest nothing that thou hast made, nor wouldest the death of a sinner, but rather that he should be converted and live: Have mercy upon all Jews, Turks, Infidels, and Hereticks, and take from them all ignorance, hardness of heart, and contempt of thy word; and so fetch them home, blessed Lord, to thy flock, that they may be saved among the remnant of the true Israelites, and be made one fold under one shepherd, Jesus Christ our Lord, who liveth and reigneth with thee and the Holy Spirit, one God, world without end. Amen. (1662 BCP)

Almighty and everlasting God, who desirest not the death of sinners, but rather that they may turn to thee and live: Mercifully receive our prayer, and deliver the heathen from idolatry, and gather them into thy holy Church, to the praise and glory of thy Name ; through Jesus Christ our Saviour. Amen. (Canadian BCP)

O God, who hast made of one blood all nations of men for to dwell on the face of the earth, and didst send thy blessed Son Jesus Christ to preach peace to them that are afar off, and to them that are nigh: Grant that the people who sit in darkness and the shadow of death may feel after thee and find thee; and hasten, O Lord, the fulfilment of thy promise, to pour out thy Spirit upon all flesh; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. (Scottish BCP)

Almighty God, our heavenly Father, who in thy goodness hast caused the light of the Gospel to shine in our land; Extend thy mercy, we beseech thee, to the nations of the world that still walk in darkness. Enlighten the Moslems with the knowledge of thy truth; and grant that the Gospel of salvation may be known in all lands, that the heart of the peoples may be turned unto thee, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. (Scottish BCP)

Some advice to a friend in Canada

I sent the following message to a certain someone recently:

Dear Steve,

I don't think it's right or good that you're not married yet. Why don't you take out an add in a local newspaper that reads as follows:

A marriageable bachelor who makes $X/year seeks a nubile, callipygian, pneumatic woman. Must be a practicing Catholic under 25 who knows how to keep house and her place. Must love children and want to bear them. Ideally virginally intact.

If you don't know what nubile, callipygian, or pneumatic mean, look them up now. Their definitions will make you laugh. And because you live in Canada, a place with far too many transgendered folks, you may want to specify that you're looking for a female woman.

With Love,

Max

Today's Humour

We found this on AMU's Classic Department's website:

Not only do we have a robust core curriculum at Ave Maria University, but most of our students fulfill the language study requirement by taking Latin. A very considerable number – especially in light of the fact that we are a Catholic, not a protestant university – do Greek as well. 

http://classics.avemaria.edu/post/49096324957/universities-he-proposed-are-failing-students

To which we respond thus:

Insofar as Ave Maria University is a Catholic and not a Protestant institution:

...the administration does not permit earth-worshipping lesbian witches to put on sacerdotal vestments and to try to confect the Sacrament. It regrets that the Church even allows such persons to become nuns, and happily not for very much longer.

...all the choir members are paid, for this is not a Methodist endeavour.

...all students begin learning Latin before learning Greek, for the administration is most suspicious of the tendency of the lingua Gaeculorum to ferment heresy. Those who prefer Greek to Latin are officially warned by the Holy Inquisition that their views on various subjects are, if not erroneous, then at least unfit for pious ears.

...women are encouraged to wear unseemly chapel veils instead of hats, for hats are A) protestant; and, B) a potential incitement to distraction and thoughts of royal weddings at Holy Mass.

...the mandates of the federal government required by law are given the attention they are deemed to merit, and thus promptly disregarded.

...the "meat" served in the cafeteria never meets the canonical requirements for fleshmeats; wherefore, the University saves great sums of money and the whole university community observes perpetual abstinence.

...faculty members are regularly encouraged to aspire to the ideal of a Josephite marriage, yet also have a dozen children. Those whose families are less than six are privately accounted guilty of following the letter of Humanae Vitae, but not its spirit.

...female students are admitted, solely so that the University can remain financially solvent. Should the University's financial situation change, the faculty intend to become as exclusively male and patriarchal as the Roman Curia, the universe, and the most holy and undivided Trinity.

...faculty are not permitted to wear tweed, unless they are officially members of the Society of Charles, King and Martyr; in which case, they would never chose to wear tweed anyway.

Some Humour

The following is an edited version of a poem by a traditionalist Catholic on Facebook. Please pray for his intentions. 'Tis a pity that the poetry recited at President Obama's inauguration was not as good as this.

Woman is vain and Eve the world's woe 

for she corruption in Adam did sow; 

when he, seduc'd by that serpent-mouth'd coquette, 

did the seed of sin upon this world set. 

Yet, recall Lucrece, the fair maiden self-slain, 

who thought to live in sin's to live in vain. 

Where hath Dante placed her? Among the wise, 

for even God admir'd her fair eyes. 

And Catharine, the great daughter of Dominic, 

who taught St. Peter's son when he was sick, 

and mov'd the papal court of cheese, whores, and wine, 

and made it to feast on the things divine. 

And Hedwig, that oft forgotten wife saint, 

and she who did the Little Flower paint. 

And the mother of Dominic, Lady Jane: 

Who can say that that woman liv'd in vain? 

Whose blessed womb bore the mouth to conquer 

all the the ways of most pernicious error. 

Wherefore, some women wiser are, 

with radiance brighter than Phoebus' car; 

and not some ugly, pious, plain Janes I mean, 

who always in some Quaker dress are seen. 

No, I mean ladies both virtuous and fair, 

who rouge use and have well treated hair; 

but not so much time to that art is giv'n, 

that they forget that yet their soul is liv'n, 

but balenc'd 'twixt plain Jane and vain coquette; 

thou shalt have such if thou have patience yet. 

Make St. Joseph thy friend and to him pray 

that God give thee a blessed wedding day. 

Happy as Collantine shalt thou be-- 

Nay more! For he did not Our Lady see!

The Anglican Patrimony, Part II

First the Prayer Book. Despite the amount of dated rhetoric that one typically finds in Catholic circles regarding Anglicanism, any superficial perusal of the 1662 Prayer Book or one of its predecessors (e.g. the 1549 Book) or one of its pre-conciliar progeny (e.g. the 1928 American Book) will quickly surprise us with how Catholic it is. A history lesson is in order here. Catholics will typically say that Anglicanism began when Henry VIII led the English Church into open schism with Rome. That is only partially the case. While it is true that Protestants tried to use the schism to their advantage, the only thing Henry did to the Church in England was to declare himself the head of it and dissolve the monasteries. The rest of the Church’s medieval edifice, so to speak, was kept intact. Under the latter part of Henry’s rule, Lutherans and those who preached against mandatory clerical celibacy and monastic vows were often forced into exile or burned at the stake; those who preached against transubstantiation were tied, drawn, and quartered. The Latin liturgy remained officially unchanged for the most part (except that the Pope was no longer prayer for) and the iconoclasm which was to blaze under Bloody Bess (Elizabeth I) was officially discouraged except in a few rare instances. Things were so bad for the Protestant cause in England at the time that one Protestant remarked, “the King has gotten rid of the Pope, but not the popery.” Nevertheless, Archbishop Cranmer, who had come to power only by making the customary oath of allegiance to the Holy See, was able to implement two slight changes in the official liturgy. Three years before Henry’s death in 1547, Cranmer cum permissu regis published an English exhortation to prayer and an English litany to be used in processions.

Unfortunately, because the exhortation was novel, it was not included later in the Prayer Book. The litany, however, which was based on that used during Rogation day processions, was essentially the same as its medieval predecessor, except that the invocations of the saints at the beginning were significantly curtailed, although not altogether eliminated. In the first Prayer Book of 1549 the invocations were completely scrapped and in this truncated form the litany has endured as a standard feature of any Prayer Book.

All of this changed when Edward VI, the boy king, came to the throne. Cranmer, by now a full-fledged heresiarch, could at last openly implement his hellish and foul agenda against the old, medieval religion in an attempt to turn England into another Geneva, but the old devil proceeded craftily. He knew he could not impose upon the English people a new religion at once, for the peasantry and a significant portion of the nobility still held to the faith of their fathers. So he went about changing the faith of his countrymen gradually. The first major step was the first all-English Prayer Book in 1549, a glorious gem of English prose. In it, Cranmer and his minions translated, edited, and simplified the medieval Latin liturgy (primarily the Sarum Use to be more precise) with which they had all grown up. As with all of its later descendants, the 1549 Book includes the entire Anglican liturgy (except the Ordinal) and from it all future versions of the Prayer Book derive, chiefly the 1662 Book and the various colonial Prayer Books.

In my next installment, I shall consider the 1549 Prayer Book in some detail and take this history up until the death of Cranmer in 1556.

Part I is, here.

What the new Missal translations ought to sound like...

As my continued series on the Anglican Patrimony is still being written, I thought some of my readers might care to read and hear aloud what glories neo-Cramnerian prose can do to the traditional liturgy. This morning, I received an email from a professor friend of mine at Ave Maria University who wanted me to translate an old prayer from the Rituale for the blessing of a soldier first going off to war (originally, as is clear from the wording of the prayer, off to one of the Crusades) into the idiom of the BCP. For those of you who read Latin, I include it also:

Deus, cunctorum in te sperantium protector, adesto supplicationibu nostris, et concede huic famulo tuo qui sincero corde gladio se primo nititur praecingere militari, ut in omnibus galea tuae virtutis sit protectus: et sicut David et Iudith contra gentis suae hostis fortitudinis potentiam victoriam tribuisti, ita tuo auxilio munitus contra hostium suorum saevitiam victor ubique existat, et ad sanctae ecclesiae tutelam proficiat; per Christum Dominum nostrum. Amen.

O God, the guardian of all them that put their trust in thee, mercifully accept our prayers and grant that this thy servant, who with heart unfeigned striveth to gird himself with a sword of battle for the very first, may in all things be protected by the helmet of thy might; and, as Thou of old didst grant the victory unto David and Judith against the face of the enemies of their race, so, defended by thine aid, may he arise in all places the victor against the rage of his foes and advance the safeguard of thy holy church, through Christ our Lord. Amen.

All of us literati must bemoan that the Pauline Missal is not now being translated into this sort of English, for if we are going to pray in English, it should (of course!) be this English, as I'll make clear in a future post. But we can hope and pray that when the Novus Ordo turns 80 (in Advent 2049) maybe translations like this will be mandated for Latin Rite parishes everywhere. A noble cause for which to pray, fast, and do penance!